It’s Not Okay to Overlook Violence, Abuse, and Exploitation of Disabled Children and Adults

We’re very pleased to share a guest blog by Parmi Dheensa, CEO of Include me Too. She has kindly written this in response to DSU participating in this years Sexual Abuse and Sexual Violence Awareness Week.

Include us too as ‘it’s not okay’ is the key message of Disabled Survivors Unite activist organization who highlighted key issues of sexual abuse and violence experienced by disabled girls and women during Sexual Abuse and Sexual Violence Awareness Week.

The campaign amplified the voices of disabled survivors for more awareness, support, intervention and prevention. It echoed the sentiments of ‘UK Says No More’ campaign and in addition the urgency of confronting the impact of consistent failures of stopping the increasing scale of violence and abuse of disabled victims.

There have been several research projects carried out internationally and here in the UK with similar findings regarding disabled women’s experiences.

15% of any population worldwide are people with disabilities of which half are women and girls. Disabled women have experienced violence two to three times more often than women in the average population. But disabled women also experience severe barriers in accessing support, information and services after violence.

Violence and abuse against disabled girls and women is present in many forms and the lack of specialist support, resources and prevention is disconcerting. Many of the issues I will be highlighting here are known to those already advocating in this area however it is imperative we share this information widely to end a culture of denial within our society and gain support and realisation that ‘Its Not Okay’.

A recent EU funded project in four countries including the UK highlighted:

  • Many disabled women were attacked in institutions, by carers, or at home by partners or male relatives.
  • Perpetrators isolated them, threated them, took away equipment or over-medicated them, to stop them from speaking out, or escaping.
  • Forms of violence and abuse experienced included psychological violence, impairment-specific violence, physical violence, forced sterilisation, forced marriages, sexual violence, abuse in institutional settings including disregard and violation of privacy and neglect.

All disabled or deaf women who took part in the survey interviews wanted a society in which ‘being disabled and being a woman’ did not mean having inaccessible services and being less valued, but where their safety mattered and their future life chances are supported in a violence-free life for all women in the future. 

In the UK the following statistics also amplify why not addressing these issues and stopping violence and abuse ‘Is Not Okay’:

  • Disabled children and young people compared to their non-disabled peers are three to four times more likely to be abused and neglected, according to the NSPCC.
  • Gangs of boys who don’t have a disability are grooming girls who do according to Respond.
  • Disabled women are twice more likely to be assaulted or raped as non-disabled women. The perpetrator is more likely to be someone they know or trust, a family member, carer or partner, according to research by Women’s Aid regarding domestic abuse.
  • Men (5.2%) with a long-term illness or disability were victims of partner abuse in 2013/14 compared to women (11.1%) in the same situation, according to Mankind Initiative.

Another survey looking into domestic abuse highlighted the dependency, lack of control and barriers to break the circle or seek help experienced by disabled women, sadly echoed the many stories of women and families I have listened to and supported even those nearly 20 years ago when managing mental health and women support services.

In this survey the majority of abusers were partners and ex partners 53% of the women who took part in the survey stated their dependency on abusers as carers, sympathy for partners, a panic of lack of support if they left, lack of alternative accessible housing and fear of losing their children all contributed to their inability to leave the situation resulting in women enduring abuse over long periods of time.

Physical neglect was a common theme with women commenting that personal care i.e. bathing, assistance to the toilet, eating etc were regularly withdrawn.

Women stated: “We are sometimes dependant on abusers as carers. How are you supposed to get anyone to believe you if everybody thinks he is a “Saint” because of how he helps you” “I sat dirty for days…he said I was demanding, disgusting and ungrateful. I said sorry loads of times but he ignored me…”

This ‘Is Not Okay’.

A way forward…

Ending Violence against Women and Girls Strategy 2016 – 2020 acknowledges government’s duties and responsibilities within the Equality Act 2010 and victims’ legislation, this strategy also needs to refer to United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child, the United Nations Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disability.

A commitment to strengthen the involvement in the implementation of the strategy and voices of disabled women and girls including autistic women and girls is required. The strategy refers to peer support network, national helplines, awareness raising in schools and amongst the public and accommodation based services for example. However there is no real emphasise of the specialist provision required to ensure accessible, inclusive, appropriate responsive services and support for disabled women and girls. Allocation of resources to support a disabled women and girls peer support network, specialist helpline, specialist/inclusive accommodation based services these areas could be a good start to thread through the strategy and strengthen the implementation for effective change in ending violence against disabled women and girls.

Disabled Survivors Unite are uniting with Include Me TOO to campaign and raise awareness of ending violence and abuse against disabled persons including harmful practices. Include Me TOO look forward to supporting Disabled Survivors Unite through strengthening diversity, equality, and safeguarding within a cultural framework approach addressing harmful practices which include forced marriages, grooming, exploitation, witchcraft accusations, FGM awareness and intervention to end violence and abuse against disabled persons.

We all have a responsibility to build a safe and inclusive society for all that can be okay.

To That Boy

Content note: this post discusses sexual abuse, institutional abuse, and self harm. It may be upsetting for those who were abused in an educational setting.

This is an audio post, submitted by a survivor. The transcript can be found after the audio.


To That Boy

*To that boy.

The boy who has moved on, to whom I am a distant memory.

Lucky, because you can. But how I was I supposed to? With the things you did and the stuff you etched in to my brain. You think it’s no big deal as you got away with it, as they would just make excuses for the behaviour.

The school that failed to care was partly responsible. And, in some ways, you are for the rest of it. But there is a third party: the school failed to prepare me.

This was the school that decided that making me sit beside a netball court to tick the ‘disabled students do P.E.’ box was more important than my PSHE lessons when I had to miss something to do physio. Meaning that I missed out on information that could have protected me from you.

I know some people will say it was my fault for not speaking out. But how could I tell people when they wouldn’t believe me? When the school that failed to care just told me that I was being oversensitive, when you were just trying to be friendly. They were so excited that I seemed to have a friend that they totally missed that you were just using a vulnerable person as your victim.

And that’s how you got away with the rape threats, the unwanted kisses and everything else inappropriate you did. That and the fact no one expected you to be capable of what happened, when it happened when we were both 14 when it started.

In some ways, I’ve come to forgive you. But before you think you got away with it all, I will never forgive you for the amount of time I felt guilty for making a decision about my own education that resulted in you moving onto my best friend and I couldn’t protect her.

Also, remember the guy? Freedom? You used to blackmail me about? Well, you were eventually right about him, but that doesn’t legitimise anything, in case you were wondering. I will never ever forgive you for the fact that all the insecurities you drilled in to me made it impossible for him to think of me in the way I do of him.

In some ways, I don’t blame him. It must be pretty difficult to love someone who you end up hurting every time, just because some psycho has convinced her that relationships don’t involve her pleasure. Or what she wants to do.

The saddest thing about it, though? Was then you took away, with that, the person – the ONLY person – who was prepared to walk beside me and help me through this darkness.

The girl that Freedom moved onto, isn’t comfortable with me needing him. But again, she doesn’t know about you. Or because of the situation, he is only person I feel comfortable and safe to have any sort of physical interaction with. Or that he’s the only one who can take away anything you left behind.

The fact is that no one is comfortable with this, though. But they can all walk away from it, a tiny bit, in a way I will never be able to, as it will always hang over me like a little grey cloud. Even if it does fade, over time.

But ignoring it or running away is easy for someone else to do, as they aren’t the ones having to explain why it’s your fault they end up with crimson running down their wrists when they get rejected. Or that that wasn’t the first injurious thing that happened because of you, as the outside world couldn’t see all my contemplations about a one-way ticket to Switzerland.

It’s not quite as easy, though, to just move on when you’re me. Trying not to blame a disability that I can’t change for meaning that I was the victim to something that has made me feel worthy of a supermarket reduced sticker as I feel like damaged goods.

Don’t think just because I’m coming clean about what it feels like to have been your victim means you won. At the end of the day, you always be the guy with a past to hide from everyone, although it will never have the direct on your life, as it will on mine. And I will always be the girl trying to piece things together, piece by piece, whilst tackling the harder fight of forgetting what you left behind.

I’m not doing this because I want your apology, or even an acknowledgement of what you did. I don’t any other person’s sympathy either. Frankly, nothing’s gonna fix it for me that you can do now. It’s my responsibility to deal with putting this back together and putting my life back together and fixing this mess, in whatever way I can with whatever help I can get. But as I look at it, if I talk about what happened, I may just be able to try and sort the system, so it doesn’t fail other people like it failed me.

Sincerely, The girl


If you need support after reading this story, the following services can help you:

  • The Samaritans offer confidential and emotional support for anyone in crisis. Call: 116 123 Text: 084579 09192
  • Victim Support provide emotional support and practical advice for anyone affected by crime living in England or Wales. Open weekdays: 8pm – 8am Open weekends: 24 hours Call: 0845 30 30 900

You can find a complete list of support services on our website. Please remember you can email us at any time.

The First (Re)Storyteller

Content note: this post discusses childhood sexual abuse by a family member, failings by parents and police, and lack of justice.


I was routinely sexually abused by my grandfather from the age of eleven. My school called the police when I disclosed at 15 and I underwent an interview, after which my parents were told that I had simply misunderstood his actions due to my Autism and the case was dropped. He went on to abuse a number of other people in the next five years, but the abuse I was subjected to was never brought up again even though he was prosecuted for the other (less serious as far as the law goes) incidents, and he died without ever facing consequences for his abuse of me.


If you have been affected by the content of this post, the following services are here to support you:

  • Victim Support can give you free, confidential support if you have experienced child abuse at any point in your life. You do not need to have reported the abuse to be supported by them.
  • The NSPCC has lots of information on their website, including how to spot the signs of abuse and what you can do if you suspect a child is in danger.

We have a comprehensive list of support services that work with survivors of all kinds of abuse and violence. Click here to view the complete list.

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